Boundaries are invisible and yet they give us definition in the world of energies. They are our energy skin and like our physical skin, they protect us. Can you imagine how vulnerable our bodies would be if our internal organs were exposed to the environment without the protection of our skin?  Our emotional and spiritual bodies are similarly vulnerable without appropriate boundaries.

Like a person taking tickets at the door of a concert, boundaries intercept vibrations from entering our space without permission. Boundaries filter the energies of others’ thoughts, desires, intentions and emotions. We cannot distinguish between what we are feeling and others are feeling without boundaries and we are open to the energies from mass consciousness bombarding our space with energies such as anger, grief, hate, fear and negativity.

Let’s say you have a tiff with a friend and with their thoughts they send you a zinger—blame, resentment or anger. With boundaries the zinger would be stopped before it disturbed our consciousness or damaged us energetically. Without good boundaries, the zinger would penetrate our emotional and spiritual bodies and depending on the strength of the zinger it could turn our “having a great day” to “feeling irritable and off”.

Healthy boundaries prevent a person from becoming overwhelmed and feeling drained after watching the news, reading the newspaper or being on the internet. Another common scenario that boundaries protect us from are the energies people discharge when feeling depressed or upset. We can bump into or literally walk through these free-floating energies, attaching to us, penetrating our space if we don’t have good boundaries.

There is a difference between boundaries and walls. Boundaries are like the glass in a window. The glass protects and filters without obstructing our visibility. By being able to see what is going on outside we can make appropriate and timely decisions and yet feel safe and secure.

A wall creates the illusion of being safe and secure but because it does not allow visibility, we are destined to guess and make assumptions based on old information regarding what is occurring on the other side of the wall. This guessing keeps us in a cycle of repeating patterns and experiences. Walls also tend to make us feel isolated and disconnected from others whereas boundaries promote connection.

We have emotional, mental, physical and spiritual boundaries. They inform others how we wish to be treated and what occurs when a boundary is violated. An example of the different types of boundaries are as follows:

    *An emotional boundary is violated when your feelings are minimized or       ridiculed.

    *A mental boundary is violated when someone makes fun and calls you       names for what or how you think.

    *A spiritual boundary deals with your innate worth so anytime you are    
      told you don’t have worth, are humiliated or shamed, your spiritual        
      boundaries are being violated.

    *A physical boundary is violated if you tell someone not to tickle you and       they do.

When a child experiences abuse of any type, three main things occur:

1.  specific boundaries are violated (mental, emotional, spiritual,    
                 sexual, physical)

2.  they do not have boundaries in the area of abuse and/or they
                 create walls

3.  they are taught to violate others boundaries in the area of abuse

Living without boundaries deals with the core needs of control, security and safety and sets a child up for the following dynamics as a teenager and adult:

1.  a need to be in control or controlling others

2.  a dislike for any form of vulnerability that they don’t feel in control of

3.  a feeling of irritation or panic when ‘change’ occurs

4.  a fear of making a decision, taking risks and a need for guarantees

5.  an unawareness of other people’s boundaries

6.  over-ownership or no ownership of their opinions, feelings, needs, wants

7.  exaggerated ways of protecting self – i.e. outbursts of anger, dissociating, becoming cold and withdrawing, numbing out

8.  addictions: alcohol, eating disorders, gambling, spending, sex, etc.

9.  not having or knowing their  limits as far as what they can do or what theyallow others to do to them

 
Boundaries help an individual claim their space and feel like a person. At first having an energy skin can feel strange to someone who did not have boundaries as a child--almost like being trapped inside a designated space. Give it time, it will come to feel like an old pair of tennis shoes.

Boundaries vary according to the type of situation we are experiencing. For instance, when we are interacting with our parents, our boundaries are different than when we are interacting with an intimate partner.  When we are listening to a lecture our boundaries are different than when we are walking through a busy mall.  

Do we need to have boundaries with an intimate partner?  Absolutely. Without appropriate boundaries we lose ourselves and become co-dependent, enmeshed, play martyr and feel like a victim. To interact, especially intimately with our partner, we need an energy body they can touch and interact with and boundaries provides this energy body. Otherwise, an intimate partner can without meaning to or with intent, trespass into places within us that are private.

Boundaries are also important for good health.  Without boundaries our life energy leaks out, we take on other peoples unhealthy energies and these energies can affect every system in our body—immune, circulatory, eliminative and digestive system. Boundaries help us feel less fearful and tense and more safe and protected.

 Now that you understand the purpose and necessity of boundaries the above energy schematic will illustrate to your subconscious mind how to assess and construct healthy boundaries.  You can take the concept of boundaries into an experiential of actually creating them.

 In working with creating your boundaries you can try the following:

1.  Imagine your boundary as a big bubble around you. Look to see       if the bubble has any holes in it that you need to mend or if you       have a bubble at all

2.  Pretend you have 500 acres of land that you are going to ride           around on yourhorse to check the status of your fences. On a           piece of paper note where you feel there is no fence or an                   inappropriate fence or a wall.  For instance, start checking your           fences in front of you. As you move to the left, in your minds  
      eye, note what you sense. Circle all the way around you.  After           you completeyour ride you will have a good idea of where you           don’t have boundaries and you can now take the information           that the boundary schematic revealed to begin constructing               healthy boundaries.

Journal your experiences, dreams and thoughts.  Having healthy boundaries will make you feel empowered and more grounded inside. What a wonderful feeling.

This month watch for a link to a podcast where I was interviewed regarding boundaries for a radio show in Seattle.

Books regarding boundaries:

Dr. Charles L. Whitfield, Boundaries and Relationships  

Mike S. O'Neil & Charles E. Newbold, Boundary Power