ENERGY PROFILE FOR AUGUST - BLAME
When we look outside of ourself for reasons to explain a situation, we have stepped into the energy domain of 'blame'. We can look outside of ourself for information to create the dynamic of 'understanding' of others and ourself, but understanding is quite a different energy from blame.
What is blame? Blame is the energy act of attributing fault to something or someone. The words 'you did it' are only words until the energy of Blame is infused into them. The energy of blame can be injected into a look, a gesture, a posture or even silence. Have you experienced a situation where something occurred and there was a silence and you could feel the blame finger being pointed right at you, although no one said anything?
Blame is a damaging dynamic for the blamer and the blamee. For the person blaming, it places their focus on others and on the outside of themselves. The reason this is damaging for the blamer is because s/he misses seeing and accepting responsibility for the part s/he played in the interaction. When we miss seeing the part we play, we place ourself in the 'victim stance', feeling powerless and not in control. For some individuals this causes angst as it triggers submerged memories of being a child and feeling powerless when we were blamed for things we didn't do. Blaming keeps us stuck in our past.
For the blamee (the person being blamed), blame brings up the walls of defense and in this frame of mind, the blamee cannot hear, listen or in put what is being shared or discussed. They are in protection mode. And if blame was a common dynamic in childhood, now we have a double trigger with deep roots and emotional/spiritual pain.
Blaming others is a quick, surefire way to breakdown a relationship, whether it be an intimate relationship, a relationship with our children, a friendship, a relationship with our parents or a relationship at work. It creates a classic 'no-win' situation and can be the beginning of a 25-year power struggle in a marriage!
Blame is an ineffective way to communicate our needs and desires. Blame distorts reality. It does not focus on the 'whole' solution because it involves only the blamee. If the blamee would only do things differently, I would be happy. If the blamee would stop doing something, I could be successful....and on and on.
Once we begin to step out of the blame dynamic we take our power back and growing emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We take responsibility and accountability for our actions and the part we played in a situation occurring, even if it is to see how we set ourself up for the outcome. Huge growth can occur when we see our 'set-ups' because set-ups are a form a self-betrayal and they don't feel good.
As we blame less, our integrity and level of self-honesty increases. We accept ourself, others and life more. And we don't feel helpless (victim stance) anymore. We see the part we played in a situation and now can make different choices so we can have different experiences.
And sometimes there is no one to blame, it is just life happening. If you need assistance in moving out of the dynamic of blame, the above schematic can begin the process for you and for further assistance call Creative Insights or e-mail Gloria for a personal session.